


Empty Mailboxes

by TropicalHalo



Category: Free!
Genre: Angel Tachibana Makoto, Angst, Broken Promises, Courtship, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Matusoka Rin, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Insecure Tachibana Makoto, Inspired by Music, M/M, Makoharu and Sourin brotp, Mutual Pining, Promises, Rare Pairings, Rin is a little shit, Rin's gonna deal with not talking to anyone, Sometimes love has to hurt to be real, Sousuke and Haru try they really do, Tags Are Fun, There needs to be more rare pair fics, These poor boys, They take it slow, Waiting, YOU'RE GAY???, doesn't help that Makoto is too nice, how fitting, mailboxes, slow burn?, there will be fluff I promise, this is my contribution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-09-05 11:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16809412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TropicalHalo/pseuds/TropicalHalo
Summary: “Makoto, there are many things I want to say you.”It began with the water and a relay, then a plane ticket and promise, and then there was silence and broken promises.Rin and Makoto have liked each other for a long time. When Rin leaves for Australia, the two make a promise. Then Makoto is left alone, waiting everyday for him. Five years later, the canon events happen......A.K.A That one fic where Rin deals with the consequences of his actions and Makoto to accept he matters.





	1. Prolouge: The Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so hey this is my first fic so please, constructive criticism is appreciated. My updating schedule is kinda, sorta really inconsistent, but I'll try my best! I'll try to make these as long as I can with my simplistic mind, so bear with me if my chapters are a bit short.
> 
> Some of the chapters will be be inspired by songs, but not all of them are. There will also be come chapters that are share the same song, it's just the way it is. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Song inspiration: Photograph by Ed Sheeran  
> Enough of that, enjoy reading everyone! ╰(▔∀▔)╯

Makoto leaned over the railing of the bridge watching the flow of the calm river. He could hear the rustling of leaves and felt the blush cherry blossoms softly caress his cheeks as the wind carried them away. Iwatobi at dusk was quiet, actually Iwatobi was quiet all the time. It was sleepy a town, but Makoto loved the small town by the ocean that he called home. Makoto loved the days spent with his best friend Haru, his beloved family, his cherished friends, and all the other friendly people in Iwatobi. He tried to relax after the activities of the day. However, it was near impossible for him to relax; his thoughts were preoccupied by the heavy news that his dear friend Rin had told Haru and him. Rin was going to Australia, Rin was leaving Japan to chase his dream, Rin was moving on from Iwatobi, from his friends. Makoto felt a sting of regret in his chest, he wasn’t even able to tell Rin about his real feelings for him.

A faint blush tinged Makoto’s cheeks as his mind drifted off to the whirlwind that was Matsuoka Rin. He appeared suddenly and turned everyone’s lives upside-down. He made Makoto’s stomach churn with maelstrom of overwhelming emotion and color. Matsuoka Rin had the power to change people. Haru wasn’t the only one whom Rin changed the life of; Rin was special. Makoto’s heart wailed in sorrow; after all, who was he to like someone as brilliant as Matsuoka Rin? He was quiet, shy, and boring; Haru told him, in true Haru fashion, that he was too wishy washy.

So how could he like Rin? He was nothing like Rin. Rin wanted to go to Australia and pursue his dream already! At the age of twelve! Makoto was happy to stay in the comfort of his hometown of Iwatobi. Then there was Haru, Haru and Rin were more suited for each other, Makoto knew the two of them were destined for greatness, he could sense these things. They both had the power to change the lives of others with their amazing swimming. Makoto was mediocre at best and he was afraid of water for god’s sake!

Makoto groaned and slapped his cheeks in an attempt to stop feeling sorry for himself. The wind picked up and Makoto was hit with a face full of pink petals, he didn’t realize some had landed in his hair. He yelped and attempted to brush the petals away, but one pink petal remained on his nose. He took it between his fingers and gently ran them along the surface of the plush petal. A wave of fondness washed over him, Rin loved cherry blossoms. A sad, bitter smile graced his lips, even if he found the courage to say something and Rin _somehow_ returned his feelings, how could they possibly be together? Rin would be in _Australia_.

“Makoto.” The sound of his own name startled him out of his thoughts and he quickly turned to find Rin standing there with his hands in his pocket with his charming smile. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me out here Makoto.” Makoto smiled at his friend and nodded. “Of course I did Rin, we’re friends after all.” The word friend felt like ice on Makoto’s tongue but he choked it out. It might’ve been a trick of the light, especially since he never confessed and Rin was leaving anyway, but he could have sworn he saw a flicker of hurt in Rin’s eyes; however when he blinked it was gone.

Rin shifted his legs nervously and took a special interest in the ground, Makoto waited for his _friend_ to collect his thoughts, whatever he wanted to talk about, it was really important to Rin. He was curious and vaguely worried of what Rin was going to say. Earlier, Rin pulled him aside and told him to meet at the bridge. Now here they were, standing on a bridge at sunset with Makoto nervously waiting for Rin to say what he wanted.

The redhead in question was really nervous, and it didn’t help that Makoto looked so cute with the sakura blossoms in his hair. Rin heart drop to his stomach, he was really starting to regret asking Makoto to meet him here. He planned to go to Australia to train to become an Olympic swimmer someday and before he left he wanted to tell Makoto about his feelings for him. But now he was too scared to! Makoto was too nice to ever outright reject anyone, he’d probably let him down easy. Actually, he could just give Makoto the key chain and thank him for being a good friend, then book it back home and sulk.

When Rin had first arrived at Iwatobi SC Makoto was the first friend he made. He was kind always sporting his beautiful smile. Sure he came to Iwatobi SC for Haru, but Makoto is the one who welcomed him with open arms and supported him.

Finally Rin looked up determinedly and strode up to Makoto, the intense aura that Rin gave off, even now for someone his age was so imposing Makoto a took and step back and felt his back press against the railing of the bridge, he closed the distance between them.

“Before I leave for Australia Makoto, I need to tell you this or I’ll never do it.” Makoto cocked his head to the side, face hot, heart thumping, and gazed curiously at Rin. Rin took a shaky breath and slapped both his cheeks, “Tachibana Makoto, there are many things I want to say to you. I suppose I’ll have to settle for this: you’re a light. You are a beautiful, kind soul with an amazing smile that always cheers me up when I’m down, and god Mako, I-I just like you, _a lot_.” Makoto’s eyes widened and his hand flew over his mouth in disbelief, he didn’t dare trust his ears. He shook and his eyes blurred with tears, the shock was everywhere and he was pretty sure his heart skipped every other beat now.

It took Makoto a minute to let his confession sink in. Finally his mind and body caught up, Matsuoka Rin had just told him that he had feelings for him. Makoto had a huge crush on him, the feelings were mutual. Relief washed over him in waves, Rin liked him too! His heart pounded in his chest, the butterflies in his stomach exploded in a maelstrom of of overwhelming emotions happiness, shock, relief, excitement. Makoto’s teary eyes threatened to spill over. He choked back a sob and gave him a watery grin “Rin, I-I like you too!”

Those were the only words Rin needed to for him to pull Makoto into a tight embrace letting Makoto laugh and cry freely into his shoulder. Rin felt his own eyes begin to water but he wasn’t about to start crying yet. Makoto sobbed in happiness and sadness simultaneously, Rin would be in Australia soon and he would be in Iwatobi. Rin would move on and find a nice swimmer who could keep up with him in the water and shared his dream. Suddenly a hand carded through Makoto’s hair and he looked up at Rin whose red orbs looked intently into Makoto’s green ones. Rin took Makoto’s hands into his own.

“No Makoto, don’t cry please- I won’t forget about you, I’ll write you all the time I swear it. We can figure this out together, we’ll still be Rin and Makoto.” Hearing their names together brought back the pink color to Makoto’s cheeks and he buried his face into Rin’s shoulder. “Promise me Rin?” his voice came muffled through Rin’s shoulder.

Rin smiled goofily and pulled back from Makoto before putting a fist over his heart and declaring in a mock deep voice, “I, Matsuoka Rin. hereby promise to write to the fair Tachibana Makoto, never forget him, and someday come back. Should I break this vow, I will be punished in whatever way Makoto deems fit.”

He then held out his fist and extended his pinky finger to Makoto who extended his own pinky and said in a soft voice: “I, Tachibana Makoto, promise to do my best, take care of our friends, and wait for Matsuoka Rin to come home. Should I ever break my vow, I will accept whatever fate awaits me.” The two then locked pinkies and laughed at their silly shenanigans before unhooking their pinkies, however Rin still maintained a firm hold on his waist.

“I really do like you Makoto.” Rin said as he cupped Makoto’s cheek, which surprisingly turned pinker than they already were, and brushed his thumb over it. The brunette smiled, “I know Rin, I like you too.” Rin’s eyes danced with happiness, “I still can’t tell if it was a blessing or a curse that you returned my feelings.” He said it humorously but Makoto could detect the underlying sadness in his voice, Haru wasn’t the only one he could read, after all.

“Hey, you said we’d figure it out, it’ll be okay. I’m glad that you said something, I was too scared to say anything, I mean, I never thought you would like me.” he said nervously. Makoto turned his face toward Rin’s hand in an attempt to hide and curled his own hands, that rested on Rin’s shoulders, into fists. Rin looked appalled by Makoto’s confession before moving his hand away from Makoto’s (adorable) face, “Okay first of all, Makoto you aren’t a coward for not saying anything, you’re human for being scared to put your heart out on the line. Secondly, how could you think about yourself Makoto?” Rin said sadly and ran his hand through Makoto’s hair hair, brushing away sakura petals. “You are so kind Don’t look at me like that it’s true! Look, my point is that you’re Makoto and I like you alright?” Makoto chuckled. “Alright.” he laughed, eyes glittering.

Rin could stare into those green eyes all day (wow he had it bad) but he finally noticed the lack of space the two of them had been maintaining this whole time and took advantage of that to take in the image of Makoto’s smiling face. He wanted to burn the memory of this night into his mind forever. Makoto smiled as the two stood in their embrace and gazed comfortably at each other’s faces until Rin’s eyes wandered down to Makoto’s lips and he leaned in ever so slightly. Makoto’s heart raced and Rin’s thumb gently grazed over his lips and he whispered in soft tone “Can I kiss you?” Makoto blushed and shyly nodded, heart racing again.

Rin leaned in again and tilted his head to the side, Makoto closed his eyes and pair of warm lips covered his own. It was warm and comforting, just like he imagined it would be like. Butterflies exploded in his stomach and held onto Rin tightly in case his legs gave out. Rin’s warm hand moved to tilt Makoto’ head to the other side. The kiss only lasted lasted about 6 seconds but they both pulled away blushing and grinning like the biggest idiots on earth.

“Wow.” Rin breathed and Makto nodded. “Wow indeed, although I’m not sure it’s fair for you to kiss me and then leave. Allow me to return the favor.” Rin’s eyebrows creased in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? “What do you-mmph?!” Rin was cut off when Makoto suddenly leaned in and planted his lips on Rin’s before pulling back and nuzzling his his nose. “I have to go Rin, my parents want me back home soon.” Rin frowned and kissed Makoto’s forehead. “I promised Makoto. I’ll write, expect a letter in the coming weeks. Oh right, here” Rin pulled something out his pocket and pressed it into Makoto’s fist. “Don’t open it until you get home.” Makoto cocked his head to the side curiously and Rin stole a peck on the corner of his mouth. “Just do as I say.”

Makoto sighed dramatically and pulled back from Rin. “Goodnight, Rin.” He smiled and Rin returned it, “Goodnight Mako.” Makoto blushed at the use of the nick name before turning and rushing off to his house. Rin’s face turned red as he replayed what just happened in his head before burying his face in his hands and getting out a very high pitched shout of joy. 

* * *

Makoto burst through the front door and kicked his shoes off before tossing them haphazardly into the rack and spluttered hurried goodnights to his parents. The Tachibana parents were startled at their sudden intrusion, and more than a little confused when Makoto called Ran and Ren to brush their teeth as he bolted upstairs. “Should we say something?” Mrs. Tachibana asks her husband and rested her head on his shoulder. Mr. Tachibana chuckles and shakes his head, “No, let’s leave him be, he’s young and learning.” The couple exchanged an amused look and resumed watching the movie.

Meanwhile upstairs, Makoto threw the door open to his room. He hurriedly set down the mysterious item Rin and had given him before grabbing his towel. Back outside, Makoto ran into the bathroom and made a beeline for the twins, hugging his younger siblings and spinning them around, much to their delight, if their squeals and happy cries were any indication. The older Tachibana sibling laughed and smothered them in kisses before pressing his head to their tiny foreheads.

The twins giggled, “Onii-chan! You’re so silly.” Makoto smiled and nodded. “Yes, Onii-chan is very silly, but not as silly as the two of you!” Makoto dropped eskimo kisses on both twins and the two went into fits of giggles. Makoto let out a content noise and hugged his siblings close. He needed this, his sibling’s bright innocence and unconditional love. He laughed along with them as the crazy butterflies floated around in his stomach and he held his siblings close for comfort to let the sadness ebb away.

Eventually, the Tachibana siblings do brush their teeth and the twins giggle every time Makoto wipes off some toothpaste on their cute faces, causing the other to get jealous and bicker with them. Luckily, Makoto has a lot of experience breaking up these squabbles. He shooed the twins out of the bathroom and took a warm shower. He quickly changed into his favorite orca pajamas. Afterwards, he went into the twin’s room, tucked them into bed, kissed them good night.

As the twins nestled comfortably into their beds, Makoto traveled back to his room he picked up Rin’s gift from his desk. He flopped down into a black bean bag chair in the corner of his room and ran his finger along the cover of the cylinder case. He then popped open the cap and tilted it, letting its contents fall into his palm: it was a small orca keychain. Makoto turned it over in his fingers to examine it. A fond smile graced his lips and he held it close to his heart..

Makoto laid back in his bean bag chair and sighed. He replayed the events of bridge in his head and held his fingers to his lips, they were still tingly. Rin’s promise rang in his head. Makoto kicked his legs excitedly and euphoria welled up in his chest and he giggled to himself. Rin liked him, they kissed, he promised to write. Makoto got up the bean bag chair and happily danced around his room.

He set down the orca and flop onto his bed.  _ “I really do like you Makoto.” _ The brunette turned and buried his face into his pillow, kicking his legs as he squealed happily into his pillow. 

After a few minutes passed, Makoto had calmed down, but he was still smiling. He pulled his blanket over him and cuddled into his pillow. He closed his eyes and let the warmth enveloped him. He was happy and excited to get his first letter from Rin. He let sleep overtake him, he dreamed of a boy with red eyes that night. 

  



	2. I Would Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's life throughout middle school. From an empty mailbox, to a swim team, to graduation, to first year high school. He checks his mailbox everyday to find nothing, but that's okay, he hasn't given hope up yet. Makoto isn't sure why Haru is so sad, but he'll tell him when he's ready. He just has to keep it together for a little longer, right? And why the heck does he have ear piercings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to sincerely apologize for the delay, I'm so sorry for not updating in over a month and a half. School is a pain lmao. Thank you to all of you reading! Here's the first real chapter. Have run reading see you on the other side . ^-^/
> 
> The song inspiration is: So Far Away by Martin Garrix, David Guetta (Ben Woodward Acoustic Cover)

_Rin felt restless as he laid in bed, feeling miserable and sick. He groaned and shifted to the left side of his body, trying to get comfortable, but the clammy sweat and stuffy nose made it nearly impossible for him to relax. His sister, Gou, sat the end of the bed and patted his knee comfortingly. Rin pouted, “I can’t believe I got sick on my own dang birthday.” Sousuke, who had been sitting the floor, leaning against the bed frame, snorted and reached up to pat Rin’s stomach in “sympathy.”_

_“This is what happens when you decide not to shower after getting snow shoved into your collar and pants.” Rin picked up a stray balloon resting on his bed and chucked it at his friend, causing the other to chuckle. “Are you two toddlers?” Gou snorted and the two turned to her with matching evil smirks on their face. Gou’s eyes widened and attempted to scoot away from the boys, but Sousuke jumped up and grabbed her while Rin shot forward and started tickling his little sister._

_The younger redhead shrieked and erupted in a fit of giggles, gasping for air and squirming to get away from her two attackers. “Hahaha n-no st-st-op Sousuke, onii-chhahaha!” Eventually the two took pity on the poor girl and released her, gasping their own laughs as she struggled to catch her breath._

_She attempted to glare at the two laughing boys but ended up grinning and giggling along with them. Rin smiled and patted his sister’s head before pulling back to sneeze into his arm. Sousuke handed him a tissue and at that moment Rin heard his mother yell from down stairs._

_“Rin! Makoto is here to see you. He’s coming up now.” Her voice echoed._

_Rin’s eyes widened. Makoto was here to visit him? He felt his heart flutter, but he quickly dismissed the feeling. Makoto was just a nice guy, he shouldn’t read too much into it. “Okay Mom.” he called back._

_The brunette walked into the room and gave everyone a smile. Rin felt his heart warm from the sight of the other boy’s smile. “Hey Rin, sorry to come over unannounced. Oh! Hello Gou, and Yamazaki-kun what a surprise.” Makoto waved and Gou launched herself at Makoto to give him a hug. “Tachibana-kun.” Sousuke said in acknowledgment._

_“It’s alright Makoto, thanks for coming to visit, it was getting really boring.” Rin said and Sousuke turned to him and crossed his arms “What? We aren’t good enough for you Rin?” He asked in mock anger and Gou copied his actions giggling. “Yeah onii-chan, what are we? Chopped gizzard?”_

_Sousuke leaned over to Gou. “It’s liver, Gou.” The younger Matsuoka huffed. “What Sou said.” Makoto covered his mouth with his hands in a poor attempt to stifle his giggles. He was surprised to see the normally distant and serious Yamazaki-kun acting to silly and joking with his friends. Rin however seemed comfortable with it, sticking his tongue out at Sousuke “Yeah, yeah, you’re lame Sousuke. You can’t even get here without getting lost.”_

_Sousuke gaped at Rin, a faint red flush enveloped his face. He turned to Gou and pouted. This time Makoto couldn’t stop his laughter. Rin smiled as the sweet noise reached his ears. Makoto’s laughs were one of his favorite sounds, they were sincere and always full of pure joy. Making Makoto laugh was like taking fresh laundry out of the dryer, or watching a sunrise, or eating a warm meal. Normal, but somehow satisfying every time._

_“C’mon Gou let’s go somewhere where we’re_ appreciated _.” Sousuke said and grabbed Gou’s hand before walking out the room. Suddenly Rin and Makoto were left there_ alone. _Makoto turned to Rin and smiled sheepishly. The other boy patted the bed, signalling him to sit; the bed dipped as Makoto crawled next to Rin and sat crossed legged._

_“Well I guess it’s just us now huh?” Makoto said and mentally kicked himself for stating the obvious. Rin laughed however and said, “So what brings you here anyway Mako?”_

_“Oh right, well I figured you’d probably want some company besides Gou and Yamazaki-kun. N-not that their company is bad or anything! I mean it’s your birthday and birthdays are meant to be celebrated with friends and family. At least that’s what I think. Oh, I’m probably bothering you, I’m sorry Rin I shouldn’t just have assu-” Rin cut Makoto off by grabbing his hand and smiling._

_“Relax Makoto, I’m glad you came. I love my mom, Gou, and Sousuke but it was getting a bit lonely.”_ You make me so happy, how I could I not want you here? _he wanted to say, but he didn’t because Rin was a coward and Makoto was too perfect. Then he sneezed twice and coughed. Makoto quickly handed him another tissue and Rin blew his nose, shooting him a thankful look._

_Makoto waved his hand dismissively and then he perked up as if he just remembered something. “Oh yeah, I have to give you you’re present!” Makoto said and he quickly dug through the bag he brought. Rin smiled, abashed “Aw, thanks Makoto, you didn’t have to get me anyt-”_

_“Nonsense! You’re my friend and friends give each other presents. Here Rin, for you.” Rin ignored the sting if the word friend and took the medium sized box Makoto had procured. It was wrapped in ocean blue paper with little sharks poking their heads out the water. It was cute._

Just like the person it’s from _. A traitorous voice said in head and Rin mentally flipped it off._ That wasn’t very nice. _Deciding not to listen to the voice Rin tore open the wrapping paper. Makoto shifted nervously clenching the hem of his sweater as Rin opened the box and peered inside. “Studio Ghibli movies!” Rin cheered as he took examined them. There were copies of My Neighbor Totoro, The Wind Rises, Howl’s Moving Castle, and Ponyo all sitting on his bed. “Thanks Makoto, these are great!” Makoto let out a sigh of relief, Rin liked his present, good._

_Makoto flushed slightly and Rin had to stop himself from reaching out and touching those cute cheeks. “So what do you want to do now?” Rin asked and Makoto shrugged. “You tell me, it’s your birthday.”_

_Rin tapped his chin with a thoughtful look on his face, then he looked down at the copy of My Neighbor Totoro. “Let’s watch this, I mean what the point in waiting to use a present?” Makoto snorted. “Okay Rin, sounds good.”_

_Makoto took the copy of the movie and got off the bed to put the DVD into play. After putting it on Makoto crawled onto the bed again. Rin turned and grabbed a facemask sitting on his bedside and put it over his face, he didn’t want Makoto to get sick._

_The two boys stayed like that for the rest of day. Sousuke and Gou rejoined the eventually and they continued to watch movies. As the sun began to set Makoto bid them farewell and left for home. “Wait Makoto!” Rin called and the other boy stopped and turned around to face him. “Yes?”_

_Rin froze._ I like you Makoto. “ _Thank you for coming! I’ll see you soon!” Rin wanted someone to hit him in the face. He blew it, again. Makoto smiled and waved at Rin and he waved back sheepishly. The brunette turned and resumed walking. Rin went back inside and sighed, he was going to tell Makoto soon, but not today._

* * *

Sunlight filtered through Makoto’s window. He groaned and cracked one sleepy eye open. The sun beams warmed his face and he sat up with a yawn and stretched his arms above his head, allowing the stiffness of his tired muscles to ebb away. He rubbed his eyes and his sleep clouded mind finally joined reality. That dream was a memory, the time Rin had gotten sick and he got gone to visit the other. The brunette slipped out of bed and put on his green orca slippers. He glanced at the backpack that lay on the floor next to his desk, his eyes wandering to the minute orca keychain attached to it.

He frowned, Rin had left that spring and it was now winter time. He had promised to write Makoto a letter, but so far he hadn’t received one. Makoto shook it head and reminded himself that Rin was very busy adjusting to life in Australia. _But if cared, he would have written by now._ A traitorous part of mind said.

Makoto ignored the voice, Rin promised and Rin always keeps his promises. He couldn’t be selfish and expect Rin to send him letters all the time. _What about even one?_ The voice whispered. Makoto tore his eyes away from his backpack and turned to open his bedroom door. He walked downstairs, into the front, and made a beeline for the mailbox. He opened the rectangular mailbox and pulled out the mail. There were bills, catalogues, and a newspaper for some reason, but nothing was addressed to him. Makoto ignored the feeling of disappointment and the whispers of _of course_ and turned to head back inside.

He greeted his parents with a warm smile and walked up and kissed their cheeks. “Morning, I got the mail.” He said cheerily, depositing the mail into his dad’s hands. “Thanks Makoto, can you go wake the twins please?” Makoto nodded and headed back up to get the twins ready for the day.

The Tachibana went through the same routine every morning, it was a habit they developed. Makoto would go get the mail (ignored the lack of letters addressed to him), he would greet his parents with a morning kiss and give them the mail. Then, he would wake the twins and the three of them would brush their teeth together.

After, Makoto would shoo them away so he could take a shower and change into some clothes. He would go downstairs of set the table in companionable silence with his father as his mother made breakfast and the twins would run downstairs for breakfast and the family would sit down and begin eating, chatting about anything their plans for the day, random thoughts, dreams, and Makoto would laugh whenever his father cracked on his dad jokes and so it went.

“Makoto, are you going over to Haru-chan’s today?” His mom asked and he nodded, sipping his orange juice. “Hai Kaa-san, I’m staying over at Haru’s.” Makoto said and his parents nodded. “Have fun, son.” His father said and Makoto returned the smile.

After breakfast Makoto put his jacket and shoes on, grabbed his bag, and headed out to Haru’s. It was a short, familiar walk that Makoto took everyday, he stopped to pet the little white kitten that was there every morning, only this time something was off.

The kitten’s attention was focused on the house at the top of stairs and she was meowing loudly, it was akin to a wail as if she was distressed. Makoto glanced up to the Nanase residence, for some reason the sight of it sent chills down his spine. Makoto’s eyes widened and his heartbeat picked up at an alarming rate because _he felt a chill like this before._ He felt it when Haru had came into the SC with a terrible fever, felt it when Haru had almost drowned that same day, felt it when Haru had fainted on the sidewalk from low blood sugar only a couple months before. _Haru was in trouble._

Makoto didn’t even think, he just ran. He ran as fast as he could up those steps, fear and adrenaline coursing through his veins because he had to get to Haru. His heart was pounding as he threw open the door, Haru never locked it anyway, and he rushed up another set of steps. Frantically, he made his way into Haru’s room and all but busted through the door. The sight before him broke his heart, there was Haru on the floor, sobbing with his face in between his knees. Makoto was immediately by his side.

He gently reached out and touched Haru’s shoulder, the raven haired boy looked at at him with watery blue eyes. They looked like the ocean during a storm, clouded with raging sadness, anger, **_guilt_ ** and _so much_ **_fear._ **Makoto was shocked, because in all the years he’s known Haru, the boy had never looked so afraid. Haru was cool and collected, he was brave and kind, he was supportive and loyal. “M-Makoto…” he choked out in a small voice. Makoto couldn’t stand his best friend in so much pain. He pulled Haru into a hug and the other boy clung tightly to him. “It’s okay Haru, I’m here, you’re not alone.”

He sobbed and sobbed, for what seemed like hours Makoto gently rubbed his back comfortingly and kept repeating comforting phrases to his best friend. “It’s okay Haru, I’m here, you’re okay, I love you, you’re so loved.”

Then Haru _screamed_ with so much anguish and sobbed harder when Makoto said that. “I HURT HIM.” His yell echoed through the room and Makoto gently carded a hand through his hair, cradling him close to him. Haru wouldn’t purposely hurt someone and whatever what happened was killing him. It scared him, he didn’t know what to do, he was Haru’s best friend and he was powerless to help Haru.

Some friend he was.

He was brought back reality when he felt Haru’s grip tighten and heard him blubber a bunch of incoherent nonsense. “I’m sorry-I didn’t mean-I didn’t know. Makoto please, I didn’t want to hurt him. Don’t leave me too Makoto please.”

Makoto choked out his own sob and pulled Haru up so he could look him in the eye. His throat constricted and he swallowed, he couldn’t wallow in self-pity right now, Haru needed him. He needed to say this, stay strong for Haru’s sake. “I won’t ever leave you. Please Haru don’t hurt yourself like this, I love Haru-chan.” Haru looked at Makoto and let another sob before releasing a shaky sigh of relief. “I know you won’t, thank you Makoto.” Makoto gave him a gentle smile and pulled Haru back to him, tucking the smaller boy close to his chest and soothingly petted his hair. “Just lean on me, Haru.”

He looked so small curled up closely to his chest and Makoto could hardly believe this was the same Haru. The cool, collected Haru that was slightly apathetic about things that didn’t interest him and fiercely passionate and protective of the things and he cared for. Makoto relied on Haru for so much, he wanted Haru to rely on him too.

Eventually, Haru pulled back and wiped his eyes. “Thank you, Makoto.” Makoto reached out his hand and Haru took it. The taller boy pulled him up. “Do you feel better Haru-chan?” To his immense relief, Haru shot back with annoyance: “Drop the chan already.” Makoto saw his lips quirk up, however. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it Haru, but let me help you please.” Haru was quiet for a long time and then he looked at Makoto softly, and reached up and carded his hand through his hair. “Makoto is Makoto, he helps just being here with me.”

Makoto blushed at Haru’s blunt comment and shook his head. “I didn’t do much Haru.” Haru shook his head this time and firmly gripped his shoulders. “Makoto is Makoto.” He insisted and Makoto could hear the underlying meaning. _Don’t say that Makoto, you’re my best friend and I need you. Don’t put yourself down like that._ Makoto laughed sheepishly and Haru turned his head away embarrassed. They didn’t mention it again, they didn’t need to.

He was always able to understand Haru. Haru always let him in, they were best friends, they would always be together. Suddenly, the empty mailboxes didn’t seem like a big deal. Makoto pulled Haru’s arm and he let out a startled gasp, which Makoto ignored. Instead, he dragged Hau to the nearest closest and started rummaging through it, ignoring the puzzled look the shorter boy gave him.

Makoto didn’t say anything, and with a schooled stoic look on his face, he handed Haru an armful of blankets and threw some pillows on top the pile. Makoto gathered some pillows and blankets in his arms too, then walked back into Haru’s and began rearranging furniture and throwing blankets and pillows in different spots. Haru groaned in realization, Makoto was building a pillow fort.

The person in question looked up and shot Haru a playful smile. “C’mon Haru, help me build this side.” Haru shook his head, but obliged and Makoto’s grin grew wider. He knew Haru secretly loved these things as much as he did. 

After spending a good bit on time building the pillow fort, Makoto ran downstairs and Haru crawled into the fort, nestling himself in the soft blankets and pillows, feeling emotionally exhausted. He replayed the events of the previous day in his over and over. Rin came back to Iwatobi and asked Haru to race him, Rin lost and then he cried, and shockingly enough, _said he going to quit._

Haru felt his stomach lurch, he caused Rin to quit swimming. Why didn’t he just throw that race? He just wanted to be free. He didn’t want to hurt Rin, but he did. Haru had made up his mind, he was to quit the swim team. He just hoped his friends didn’t take it too badly.

Makoto entered the room again, carrying an armful of snacks and dropped him into the fort before walking over to the T.V. and popping in _Ponyo_ , he knew Haru enjoy that movie. The raven in question patted the space next to him and Makoto crawled into the blanket and huddle close to his best friend. Haru rested his head onto Makoto’s shoulder and the lay comfortably in the cocoon of warmth of comfort, enjoying the other’s company in silence.

Hours passed and the two boys had gone through 4 movies. When they tired of movies, they chatted about anything that came to mind. The sun was beginning to set and the room was bathed an orange-yellow glow. It was a beautiful sight, the rich orange and yellow hues blanketed the room and Makoto felt a gentle warmth from them he didn’t think was possible in winter. Makoto tore his attention from the television and looked down at Haru. He could still see a certain cloudiness in Haru’s normally brilliant blue eyes like a steadfast guard. It was as if the sadness clouding his eyes was there to protect something else, lingering just below the surface where Makoto wasn't able to reach, a keeper of secrets he was not privy to.

 _“I HURT HIM!”_ The cry rang through his mind, his body still felt the reverberations of Haru’s pained words and it hurt. It hurt because Makoto sat there unable to do anything besides hug him, it hurt because Haru didn’t tell him , it hurt because Haru is hurt so badly and never should be. _It hurt, it hurt,_ **_it hurt._ ** He was angry, and sad, and confused, and guilty. Guilty for wallowing in his self pity when his best friend needed him.

Makoto was cut off from his train of thought when the sound of Haru’s soft snores brought him back reality. The other boy had fallen fast asleep. Makoto smiled fondly at his best friend, he had a long and emotionally draining day, a restful night’s sleep would do him some good, them both some good. The brunette gently laid Haru down and pulled the blankets over the two of them, Haru cuddled into his pillow and Makoto stroked his hair one last time before turning away and facing the window.

The moon stood proudly, illuminating the night sky and the Earth below it in contrast to the dark navy sky where the stars burned brighly millions of light years from their small star system, only adding to the ethereal beauty of the night sky. Makoto sighed and reached over to his bag and opened it, sifting through it until he found a leatherbound journal the twins had given him for his birthday two months earlier(they’re so sweet, he loves them). He took out a fountain pen and pressed it to a fresh page, then inhaled deeply before finally making the first stroke and began writing, recounting his day like he did whenever he felt it was of importance.

Makoto set the pen down, unable to think of anything else he could write. Haru shifted in his sleep and Makoto close the journal, tucking it away into his bag again and fell on the pillow. Tomorrow, he decided he would ask his parents if they could go to the aquarium. Even if he had to forcefully immobilized Haru so he wouldn’t jump into any bodies of water he wasn’t supposed to, it might cheer him up.

* * *

Makoto nervously glanced around nervously, searching for Kisumi. He said he would be here for tryouts, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight! Suddenly an armed slung around his shoulders and he gasped in surprise. He turned to find Kisumi giving him a peppy smile and a disgruntled Haru, who Kisumi probably dragged here judging from the hold on his wrist.

“Hey Makoto, ready for tryouts?” Kisumi all but yelled. Makoto winced at the volume and laughed nervously. “Are you sure I can do this? I can’t play very well at all.” He asked and Kisumi squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “No way, you’ll be great Makoto, I can tell.”

“Makoto.” Haru said and the other turned his attention to his best friend. “Just play the way you want too.” Makoto did his best to stifle the snort that threatened to escape, because of course Haru would say that. “Eh? Haru, there are ruled you have to play by in basketball! Are you even listening? Get back here!” Kisumi yelled and chased after Haru as he took a seat in the bleachers. Makoto turned back to the group and continued to stretch.

After Haru had quit the swim team, Makoto followed shortly after, there just wasn’t any point in swimming if he didn’t do it with Haru. _Rin is still probably swimming._ Makoto shook his head, no he couldn’t think about _him_ right now, he needed to stay focused. The coach directed them to split into groups of four, then find another group of four to play against. Makoto turned to the closest three people and gave them a small wave. They smiled and waved back, then they turned to the other group of four they would be do drill with.

One of the boys, Nobunaga Shuu, a second year in the same class of Makoto, shot him a playful smirk. “Tachibana-kun, former swim club member, think you can handle a sport on land?” Okay. So that’s how it’s going to be. Makoto shot him a grin, the ice was broken now, what a little playful prodding? “I don’t know Nobunaga-kun, why don’t you find out?” The coach blew the whistle and they began.

Basketball season was over as fast as it started. Kisumi and Makoto played on defense and they made a great pair. Kisumi’s speed and agility allowed him to dart across the court, stealing the ball from the opposing team with ease. Makoto was tall and strong, he was easily able to block the ball from the basket and defend. Haru came to Makoto’s games, he appreciated it, he was glad that Haru supported him. Although Haru had quit swimming, he still swam in the ocean and in took long baths everyday, where he just soaked in the water for hours.

Makoto admitted to himself that it wasn’t the same, things had changed. Haru was more...distant after that. Makoto wondered if it hand anything to do with the day he found Haru crying on the floor. Just thinking about it made Makoto feel sick. After that, Haru became so guarded even Makoto couldn’t tell what he was thinking. It was terrible because he knew Haru better than anyone else, it was unheard of for him to not know what Haru was thinking.

The captain’s boisterous voice rang out, forcing Makoto out of his thoughts. “Well Makoto, you survived your first season. It’s tradition for the everyone on the team to get their ears pierced after their first season.” Makoto’s eyes widened in shock because _what?_ “WHAT?!” he screeched, his hand flew up to his ears and his face flushed. The captain laughed and patted Makoto's hair. “Relax Makoto, it’s okay if you don’t want to, or if your parents say no.” Makoto sighed in relief, it wasn’t Makoto’s parents would say no, in their family, baby girls got piercings and many boys also decided to get theirs pierced, but the idea of sticking needles into his ears was scary.

“N-no, I’ll think about it Senpai.” The captain nodded and addressed the rest of the team. “Okay everyone, you al have your jobs, I’ll see you all at the party on Friday. Thank you for all of your hard work.”

Later Makoto, Haru, and Kisumi all were talking as they walked to Haru’s house. “Ear piercings?” Haru raised an eyebrow and his eyes widened. Makoto rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. “Yeah, it’s a tradition in the basketball club.” He said and looked down at the floor. Why was he so embarrassed by this? “I get it,I was nervous when I got mine in first year, see?” Kisumi brushed his hair back and exposing his ears, sure enough there was a small hole on each ear.

Haru and Makoto examined his ears, “Why don’t you wear earrings Kisumi?” Kisumi shrugged and stuck his tongue out teasingly. “I keep forgetting.” He said in a light tone. Makoto laughed uneasily until he felt Kisumi rest a hand on his shoulder and give him a bright smile. “Makoto if you’re nervous about it, I can always go with you.” Makoto looked at his friend in surprise. “Really?” he asked hopefully. “Really.” His smile widened and next to him Haru said “Do what you think feels right.” And Makoto laughed for real this time.

Having earrings was strange, the two small studs Makoto has on feel foreign on his ears. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and reached and touched one ear. It was red and stung from the piercing, but that was normal, it would fade in time. The earrings twinkled in the light, it looked like Makoto had two small stars on his ears, he decides he likes them. He exited the bathroom and walked downstairs to join his family for dinner. Surprisingly, Haru sat at the table listening to the twins chat about their favorite T.V show.

He looked up at Makoto, “Obaasan asked me to come over for dinner.” He answered, as if reading Makoto’s mind. Makoto nodded and sat down next to him and Haru turned to look his ears, “They look good.” he said and Makoto laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks Haru, I like them too.” The twins looked at Makoto ears in curiosity before launching into excited chatter. “Onii-chan looks so pretty!” Ran said, hugging Makoto’s arm. Makoto spluttered and Ren grabbed his other arm. “Oniichan is handsome, not pretty Ran.”

“Shut up Ren, he looks pretty with earrings.” The other shot back. Ren stuck his tongue out at her, which she reciprocated. “Hey now you two, don’t fight.” Makoto said firmly. The twins stopped and turned back to their brother. “Do they hurt?” They asked in unison. Makoto nodded. “Yeas, but only a little.” He said in a warm tone and laughed as they tried to give him hugs to make him feel better.

He didn’t notice Haru snickers, too wrapped up (literally) in the twins. Haru smiled at the scene in front of him, Makoto looked so happy playing with his siblings, for a minute, Haru got to see that familiar smile Makoto wore. It was a rare sight nowadays, most days he saw Makoto wearing a sad or strained smile. Makoto didn’t think he noticed the melancholy looks he always wore just beneath the surface of his smiles, but Makoto should know that nothing would get past Haru. He figured that Makoto would tell him when he was ready to…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

…Although, sometimes... he wonders if Makoto will ever be ready.

The next day, Makoto sat on the bleachers in the gym with his teammates, it was the last the club meeting of the basketball season and they were having a celebration of sorts. Everyone had brought in food or helped decorate, the coach had blasted music on the speakers, and Shuu had brought his camera to take pictures. The team played more basketball, talked, laughed, danced, and just all around enjoyed themselves.

The party died down, and Makoto took a swig from his Cola then looked up just in time to duck before he was hit in the face with a foam miniature basketball. “Kisumi!” He yelled at the smirking boy. “My, my Makoto, I wasn’t aware that you felt that way about me.” Makoto stuck out his tongue at his friend and tossed the foam ball back at him in retaliation. “As if!” Kisumi laughed and turned back when another one his teammates called them both over, Makoto jumped off the bleachers and jogged over.

Shuu was setting up a camera and trying to get everyone together for a group photo. “Captain, move in! Kisumi, take a knee! You four, smile! Makoto, tilt your head a little to the side!” He pressed the button and ran over to the group, throwing his arm around the captain as he laughed. “Everyone, say something!” He said. Makoto didn’t even think before blurting out “For the team!” His team parroted the phrase and Makoto gave the camera a bittersweet smile. The last time he said that, he was with Rin, Haru, and Nagisa after their relay and they took a celebratory photo they would bury late in a time capsule. Two years and no letters, it hurt, but Makoto reassured himself that these things happen all the time. _Friends_ move away and lose contact _._

It’s normal, he would be fine (he wasn’t). Kisumi grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the group gathering around the camera. Makoto grinned when he saw all his teammates smiling faces in the photo, it was a good photo. Some were laughing and others were looked on sheepishly at the picture and Kisumi laughed as he pointed out his goofy grin.

The Captain was sniffling and hugged Shuu as he showed him the photo. “Thank you Shuu, it’s perfect. I have no doubt the team will be in good hands with you as their next captain.” The other boy hugged him back. “Thank you, Kakeru.” Kakeru pressed his lips to Shuu’s for a quick peck, Makoto smiled at the sweet sight. Around him, the rest of the team ‘oohed’ and whooped, some whistled. 

It was a sweet note to end the season on. Makoto bid everyone farewell and grabbed his backpack, walking out the gym. He was halfway across the bridge when he stopped suddenly, he didn’t hear a familiar jingle from his backpack. He felt his heart rate pick up and he frantically threw his bag down, panic rose in chest when he realized his keychain was missing. His heart dropped to his stomach. “No, no, no, no.” He said panickedly and he whipped his head around, looking for the missing item.

He couldn’t have lost it! That was a gift from Rin! It was the last thing he had of him, proof of his promise! Makoto felt tears burn his eyes, he couldn’t have lost it, it was too important. He couldn’t pretend he was over Rin, he wasn’t, he wanted Rin to come back, he wanted to hug and kiss him like Shuu and Kakeru, he want to tell him he loved hi-

Makoto froze. Oh no, he in _love_ with Rin. _Of course you love him, no one pines for two years for a guy who’s thousands of miles away and is not in love with him._ Makoto thought miserably. He couldn’t do this, he wanted Rin to write, he wanted him to visit, he missed him. He loved him and it hurt. Makoto hugged his backpack and sobbed. Tears spilled out his eyes and his shoulders shook, he was sure his backpack was stained with snot and salty tears now (that would be a pain to explain).

Anger bubbled to life in his chest. His blood boiled, he was a little shocked, he never this angry before. He was angry at Rin for leaving, for breaking his promise, for forgetting about him, but mostly, he was angry at himself for falling in love with Rin like a _fool._ He screamed through his tears. “YOU LIED TO ME! YOU LIAR, YOU PROMISED, YO-” His voice was cut off by another sob. “You promised me, why Rin? Why?”

Makoto was fourteen when he fell in love. He was fourteen when he learned what it meant to be heartsick. He was fourteen, left alone, hugging a backpack and crying for his lost love in the place where it all started.

Haru sat in his room, looking down at the broken keychain in his hand. It was very small and it shined with a polished sheen. Makoto took very good care of it. Haru turned it over in his fingers, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why Makoto was so attached to this thing. He found it on the ground, near Makoto’s desk, it looked like it broke. Haru knew how attached Makoto was to the item so he tucked it into his pocket.

He examined the broken top of it, he figured Makoto would want to keep it close to him, he should it get it repaired. Haru set it down on the table, glancing up at the calendar he sighed. He only had one more day to decide what to get Makoto for his birthday. Haru would never admit it out, but he missed Makoto’s smile and wanted to cheer him up. He looked over to the keychain, then his eyes widened. He grabbed the keychain and threw on a coat and shoes, he had an idea.

The next day, the two boys sat on the steps of Haru’s house. Haru’s mother had brought out a thermos of hot chocolate for the windy November afternoon. The autumn air smelled crisp and earthy on their noses. Makoto sipped some of the warm hot chocolate and let out a contented sigh. “It’s such a nice day today isn’t it Haru?” Makoto asked, pulling his knees to his chest. Haru didn’t say anything, but he did nod.

Makoto looked up at the colorful trees, letting his thought trail off, but eventually, they led back to Rin. He sighed, he didn’t know what to do now. He was in love with Rin, but Rin was gone, he left for Australia and left him alone in Iwatobi. Makoto glanced over at Haru who was laying in his back, staring up at the trees. Well, that wasn’t true, he still had Haru and his family, Kisumi too.

Of course this morning he checked his mailbox only to find it empty again, but now the pain was worse. He tried not to feel betrayed by this, but he was sad and felt like Rin had lied to him. He couldn’t forget Rin, like Rin had forgotten him, and now...well.

But then he thought about their time together, the relay, and their promise. He felt so happy then, with Rin. Rin came in and swept him off his feet, he brought promises of happiness and passion, spoke of dreams and friendship. He lit a fire in Haru’s eyes that Makoto had never seen before and looked at Makoto like he mattered.

Now Makoto wondered if he mattered at all.

The boys went back inside as the sun began to set. They had dinner with their families that night, celebrating Makoto’s birthday with his favorites green curry and chocolate cake. Makoto loved every second of it, he never liked big birthday celebrations, he enjoyed a simple dinner with his loved ones.

After dinner, Haru pulled Makoto to the side and had his hands shoved into his pockets. “What is it Haru?” Makoto asked, tilting his head to the side. Haru pulled out a small box and handed it too Makoto. “Here, I found this yesterday and I made sure you wouldn’t lose it.” Makoto smiled and took the box from Haru. “Thank you, Haru-chan.” he said softly and Haru turned his head away from Makoto. “Drop the ‘-chan’ already.” he grumbled and Makoto giggled.

He looked down and carefully unwrapped the box (it was blue, of course) and opened the lid. He almost dropped the box in shock. With wide eyes, he shakingly pulled out a small orca earring. “H-Haru is this?” Makoto choked out. “I found it broken, so I fixed it into a earring for you, that way you won’t lose it again.” Haru explained. Makoto launched himself at Haru, hugging him tightly. “Thank you Haru, it’s perfect. I never thought I would see this again.” Haru blushed and hugged his friend back. “It’s not a big de-” Makoto cut him off, “It is to me.” Haru didn’t say anything after that.

Makoto pulled back from Haru and looked down at the small earring. He had it back, relief washed over him. Rin’s gift was safe. Makoto froze for a second. Why was he so happy about this gift? Rin had given to him right before leaving for Australia. _Because_ the voice said, _At the time he meant it, and you want to remember him like that, the boy you fell in love with._ _The one you swam a relay with, the one that saved Haru, the one that kissed you that night._ His subconscious was right, he wanted to keep his promise to Rin, the Rin he knew before he left. Maybe he was foolish, but he still hoped, that Rin would come back one day. His stubbornness was going to be the death of him.

Makoto took carefully put on the earring and the stopper, it was a little heavier and it dangled from his ear. Tilting his head he looked at Haru. “Well, what do you think?” he inquired, Haru nodded “It looks good.” he said simply, but he was smiling. Makoto smiled back.

* * *

Three years had passed since Rin’s departure for Australia. Makoto hadn’t realized how much time had passed, had it really been that long? The transition into middle school and the swim team made the days fly by. Makoto had fallen into a habit of checking his mailbox for a letter from Rin every morning, but he had suspected that Rin must be even busier than he was, adjusting to being a whole other country right now, so he ignored the emptiness, at least, in the beginning.

The first year, Makoto had joined the swim team with Haru and two other boys, Ikuya and Asahi. At first they didn’t work well together, they all struggled with different issues brought on by the transition to middle school. Eventually they learned to work together as a team.

It wasn’t easy, then again, friendship never was; it took a lot of arguments, frustration, tears, and one passed out adolescent Haru. Makoto winced as he recalled that day, the _sheer terror_ he felt that day as he cradled his unconscious friend in his arms. He remembered the hoarseness of his throat as he screamed and sobbed for Haru to wake and _don’t leave me please Haru-chan,_ the relief he felt when Haru woke up, and sobbing into his arms.

In their second year, Haru quit the swim team and their friends moved away. Makoto joined the basketball team after with Kisumi, but it wasn’t the same as swimming. He was part of their team however, he even got his ears pierced as per traditions.

Then came third year, graduation, and entrance exams for high school. Both boys decided on Iwatobi High School and were accepted. It didn’t have a swim team, but Haru didn’t seem to care much. “I can just swim in the ocean and the bath.” He said. Kisumi said he got accepted into Sano High School and the two best friends had exchanged their farewells with him.

Spring break would be over in two days and the boys would begin their first year in high school. Many things had changed, but their friendship was timeless, there would be a Haru and Makoto, at least, he believed there would be a Haru and Makoto.

 _“I swim for the team. “_ The voice felt so real in Makoto’s ears he paused to look around the car. His aunt was fast asleep in the front seat, his uncle was driving, and Haru sat next to him quietly.

“It’s oddly chilly for a summer night.” Makoto whispered and pulled up his hood, leaning against Haru who sat next to him staring out the car window into the ocean. They were heading back to Iwatobi after spending the week in Sapporo with their families. Currently, Haru and Makoto were sitting in the back of the Nanase’s car (the twins were fast asleep in the Tachibana car), huddled together and whispering, well actually Makoto was whispering and Haru was (probably not) listening.

It was Makoto who had first suggested that the two families go on a spring trip. He played it off (awfully) as no big deal, but the Tachibana/Nanase parents jumped at the idea. Their families were very close, with Haru and Makoto knowing each other before ever leaving the womb. Regrettably the two families hadn’t been able to spend as much time together with Haru’s parents off in Tokyo, the boy’s schooling and swimming, then Makoto’s basketball, and the hyperactive Tachibana twins.

So they packed their stuff and decided to visit Sapporo. Makoto grimaced as he remembered the morning they were supposed to leave. He had to fight down the urge to scream into his hands as he stared in horror at Haru’s unpacked suitcase and said boy who was submerged in the tub. He hurried grabbed a reluctant Haru and toweled him down, scolding him as he threw in clothes and other necessities for the trip. The two rushed out as Haru’s parents called them down, Makoto dragging Haru in one hand and his suitcase in the other.

Privately, Makoto allowed himself to be worried for his best friend. Haru changed a lot, and it only got worse after he quit the swim team. Makoto was worried about the growing distance between them, it wasn’t like their first year of middle school when Haru and Makoto struggled to adjust to the transition to middle and Rin’s departure. This distance was all too familiar, _agonizingly familiar_.

Rin…

Makoto clutched the fabric of his hoodie tightly over his heart. He felt the agonizing pain of the past four years of silence crushing his heart. He tried to ignore, but the weight only grew heavier. Makoto was a scaredy cat, a lot of thing terrified him, but the thing that scared him the most was being alone, because if Makoto was alone, who was he? He always was the big brother, the mom friend, or the reliable classmate, he looked after others, it was the only thing do right.

 _“I promise to write.”_ he had said, he sounded so _sincere._ Makoto close his eyes so Haru couldn’t see the tears that threatened to fall. Makoto scolded himself for _believing_ him like an _idiot,_ he was a such a damn _fool._ Rin had moved on and here he was, still pining for a guy _thousands_ of miles away who had never even _once_ wrote a letter. Now this is where he was _alone,_ the one thing he feared the most had become a reality before he could even blink.

Rin was gone as quickly as he appeared. Makoto cursed the cruelty of it all, Rin was a whirlwind that came turned his life on it’s head and swept him off his feet. The he left, the only thing he could was hold up his end of a promise Rin had broken a long time ago and support Haru. Yet, Makoto still checked his mailbox everyday, for some unfathomable reason. He tried to break the habit, telling himself that it would only him if he kept doing, but he could never shake the habit. A small, stubborn part of his mind still foolishly held onto the hope that Rin would contact him.

Makoto was a fool, a lovesick fool who had been burned by his love. He couldn’t forget that night, the night that the two had spent together at the bridge, their confession, their promise, their kiss _es._ He waited for Rin everyday, still carried his gift with him (the keychain had long since broken and Haru had fixed it into an earring that Makoto wore everywhere), still checked _his damn mailbox._

He remembered how happy he was when Haru had repaired his keychain into an earring and given it to him. He really was a masochist, why hadn’t he just thrown it away? Why couldn’t he just forget that stupid redhead? He didn’t want to be hurt anymore, he did want to think about what he did wrong, or if Rin cared about him, or how afraid he was that Rin had moved on and found someone infinitely better than him.

* * *

Makoto’s first confession from one his female admirers happened on Valentine's Day during his first year of highschool. He was changing into his inside shoes when he found a letter sitting in his locker. He opened it and Haru glanced over his shoulder curiously. It was a heart shaped letter requesting him to meet the mysterious person on the roof.

“Haru, what do I do?” Makoto asked as Haru finished changing his shoes. The other boy picked up his bag and began to class “Do whatever you have too.” he said. Makoto spluttered and quickly closed his locker and rushed to his best friend’s side, “Wait, Haruuuu.” He whined.

That’s how he found himself sitting on a bench during lunch, holding a letter nervously. He had been out here for about 15 minutes, perhaps this was just a prank? Makoto rolled his eyes, some people were so immature. Makoto was about to stand up when a girl with light brown hair walked up to him, holding something behind her back and furiously blushing. Makoto smiled politely, sensing the girls nervousness. “Oh hello, are you the one who asked me to meet you here?” He asked inquisitively, tilting his head to the side, causing the orca upon his ear to dance merrily.

The girl nodded and looked up at him through her eyelashes. “Y-yes, um Tachibana-kun there’s something I wanted to tell you.” Makoto nodded, gently urging her to continue. “W-well, I-uh-I think you’re really kind and you take of everyone plus, you’re very handsome. I...I like you, so I made these for you!”

She pulled the chocolate out from behind her, holding it out to Makoto. Makoto’s blush rivaled the girl’s. This wasn’t good, what was he supposed to say to that?! He would to tell her that he couldn’t accept. He took a deep breath and spoke. “Thank you, but I cannot accept your confession.” The girl looked up and took a step back, a look of disappointment and embarrassment on her face.

Makoto continued, “You seem like a lovely girl, but there’s already someone I’m waiting for.” He said gently, smiling bitterly as the other girl gave him a look of understanding and pity. “I see, thank you for telling me.” Makoto nodded weakly, the girl sat next to him, opening the box of chocolate and setting it down between them. She pushed slightly towards him and he looked at her in shock, “I’m sorry, I really ca-” She cut him off. “Don’t worry about it, let’s share, just two lonely people on Valentines Day.” Makoto glanced at her as if he was asking her if it was really alright and she waved dismissively.

Makoto took one and popped it into his mouth, letting it melt on his tongue. He moaned “Wow, these are so good.” he complimented. The girl smiled and thanked him for the compliment. “Would you mind telling me about this mysterious person?” she inquired and Makoto froze. He never told anyone about Rin, ever. He felt guilty that he never told Haru, but he was too scared to. Besides, Haru had his own problems to deal with, he didn’t want anyone to feel burdened by his pathetic pining.

Yet, the idea of finally admitting it to someone, anyone, was very tempting. Makoto made his decision. “You can’t tell anyone this.” He said and she nodded. Makoto inhaled and twiddled his thumbs, “There was this boy I was close friends with, but he moved far away. He told me he liked me and promised he would be back. It’s not very interesting.” he shrugged.

The girl’s jaw dropped, “YOU’RE GAY?” she screeched and Makoto cringed. He laughed nervously, scratching his cheek. “Heheh, I guess so, I’m not ashamed of it.” The girl turned pink again and groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “That makes so much sense, oh my god I confessed to a gay guy.” Makoto couldn’t help it, he laughed. Surprisingly, she joined in and the two of them sat there, laughing loudly and gasping for air. Their laughter died down into occasional giggles and the girl said, “Well, your love secret is safe with me. I’ll see you around.” She smiled and waved, heading back to the cafeteria, Makoto waved back. “Thank you.” He called out after her. Makoto smiled to himself, he felt a little lighter now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was beta read by me which is why it was grammatically wrong. See ya next update. Thanks for reading!


	3. And Suddenly, You're Here (And I Deserve Better)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin is finally back, but things are different, so different now. Makoto deals with heartbreak and finally learns he deserves better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I wouldn't wait months to update again but I did and I am so, so sorry. Things just kept piling up and writer's block came for visit. 
> 
> This chapter was a literal pain in the ass to write, mostly because of how important it is for the plot further down the line. Now that I got ish figured out though, thinks should be smoother from here on out. (HOPEFULLY) 
> 
> Be on the look out for a surprise oneshot from me soon :3 I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of those too. 
> 
> Now without further delay, enjoy and I'll see you guys at the end! ;)

Nothing.

Makoto doesn’t react, he merely closes the mailbox and shuffles back inside. He’s used to nothing. It’s foolhardy of him to continue this detrimental habit of his, but something in him screamed to always check every. Single. Day. Hoping that maybe one day he’ll, by some odd stroke of luck, find a letter from Australia. It was a curse, a self-inflicted curse, but a curse nonetheless.

He scolded himself so many times for continuing this habit, but it was done half-heartedly. He had long since grown wary of his pining heart. The scolding was more of a habit than self-discipline now, he would always try again the next day. Like an addiction, he went back to the mailbox every time, knowing full well it only cause him grief in the end.

He had fallen victim to the siren song of love and now he was trapped in its haunting melody, both suffocating and sweet. He was nothing more than a mindless servant to the love he surrendered his heart to. What would _he_ think if he saw Makoto now?

He...he would be so ashamed of Makoto now. He would be so embarrassed and probably disgusted by Makoto pining after him for four years. He would laugh in his face and flaunt how great his life in Australia was. He would be all grown up and nothing like the boy he once knew. The thought alone made his heart ache, four years of heartache rushing back in a moment, weighting on his chest heavily.

 _Or maybe,_ the weary voice in his head said dully, _maybe he doesn’t remember anyone by the name of Tachibana Makoto._ Makoto couldn’t help but agree, though it caused him anguish to admit it.

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. He couldn’t do this right now. School would be starting soon and he needed to get ready for school and pick up Haru.

Makoto took a seat at the table with his parents and younger siblings and quietly ate his breakfast as they chatted about their plans for the day. Occasionally, he would throw in a few words when someone asks him a question and he gently scolds the twins for fighting.

He pretends not to notice the concerned gazes of his parents.

About thirty minutes later, Haru and Makoto are walking to school, Haru standing to the left of him, closest to the ocean. Makoto fills him on all he missed on the first day of school and he just turns to stare out at the ocean as they pass it by. Makoto sighs good naturedly and gives him a fond smile, which causes Haru to turn away even more and Makoto to start chuckling.

Makoto glances up at the sky with a wistful look on his face. For some reason, he feels as if something very important is about to happen. An anxious pit forms in his stomach and he nervously reaches up to run his fingers along the smooth surface of the miniature orca that dangles from his ear. That day ran through his mind vividly and his smile faltered.

And something _does_ happen. The biggest shock of the school day was their reunion with their old friend Nagisa, a first year at Iwatobi High School; however, the feeling in his stomach only eases slightly and Makoto determines that Nagisa is only a part of this important event.

He hadn’t changed at all. Nagisa was the same bubbly, mildly childish , mischievous person he was before. It brought a genuine to Makoto’s face to see him again, one of the few he’s been able to muster in the past few months. It was nice to have the three of them together, but it felt incomplete without their favorite redhead butterfly swimmer.

He watches Nagisa chatter on with a nonchalant Haru until he felt a shiver run down his spine. He feels eyes boring holes in the of his head and he turns and stares in shock. There is a familiar looking girl with familiar looking red hair. Makoto blinked in disbelief and she stares back with curiosity before breaking eye contact. Was that Gou?

Then Nagisa suggested that the three of them go dig up their old time capsule from the abandoned SC. Makoto doesn’t think much of his encounter, too focused on protesting Nagisa's idea. It was a terrible idea and Makoto knew they would get in trouble for sure, but that only part of the reason he protested. It didn’t feel right to dig up their time capsule without R-the other swimmer.

Somehow they still find themselves in the old SC and Makoto curses Nagisa for talking him and Haru into this. Then Nagisa says “Here.” and pulls out something white and Makoto eyes it skeptically. Nagisa said it was ‘purifying salt’ but he wasn’t keen on doing anything with white powder, until Haru points out that it’s salt, not sugar.

Nagisa claims that the SC is haunted and Makoto’s heart rate picks up and he pulls a nervous smile. His grip on the shovel tightens as they tread through the old hallways. Makoto vividly recalls days gone by that he spent in these halls.

He looks over to the desk and he sees younger, unburdened versions of him and Haru as they tip toe over the counter as Coach Sasabe asks them to pick a toy they liked. Their little fingers enthusiastically reach for the dolphin, and they pause and turn to one another. Makoto remembers wanting it because it reminded him of Haru, because Haru loved dolphins so much. But he was more than happy to let Haru to have it, it was worth it to see the smile that spread across his face and Makoto reached for the orange fish and declared that he liked that one as well and holding out the dolphin to Haru.

He still has it even after all these years, Makoto thinks with a nostalgic smile.

Nagisa’s foot hits a can as they walk and Makoto is brought out of his musings and shrieks, grabbing Haru’s shoulders and ducking behind him. “W-What was that?” he asks fearfully and Haru sighs with a resigned look on his face.

Nagisa smiles sheepishly and give him an apologetic smile. Makoto sighs and releases Haru, but as they walk through the halls we swears someone is there with them. The eyes feel intense, it reminds him of someone else’s gaze.

They walk some more and explore the home of many of their nostalgic swimming memories. Makoto feels the painful tugs at his heartstrings walking through the place where it all started. He was too young to know that things would end up this way. A sixteen-year-old pining over someone who had long since forgotten about him and their promise, clinging onto his confession, the only island in the endless ocean he found himself in.

In the locker room, Makoto sees younger versions of them hugging and laughing in the locker room after the relay. It was one of those bittersweet memories that he still holds dear. The locker room conversations they had about everything and nothing, silly and serious. God what were they thinking?

Four years ago Makoto stood with four friends, his _only_ friends, then he lost a love he never had, then he lost another dear friend, then gained some more and lost them just as quickly, then Haru spiralled into despair. Makoto may be a pining mess, but he had made promise he would keep, even if Rin didn’t. He swears that he’ll protect their friends, he can’t lose them again.

Yet, the swim club was freaking him out, it was eerie in the dark and looked dreary without the life he remembered it once had. They reached the lounge and Nagisa runs up to a wall and excitedly points at one of the photos. “Look! This is the picture from when we won the relay.” Makoto looks at the smiling faces on the wall and almost reaches out to run his finger across the picture, but he stops himself when he notices the faraway look on Haru’s face, as if he was recalling a distant memory.

He’s pulled out of his flashback when Nagisa leads them away and they make their way to the spot where the buried the time capsule. As they pass a hallway, Makoto turns his head to see a figure approaching them and he freezes and tugs on Haru’s shirt to stop him. The figure gets closer and Nagisa too looks in its direction.

They approached faster now, stepping into the light. His body bathed in the moonlight as he approaches with eerie tranquility. His steps echoed through the halls of the abandoned and Makoto braces himself for a confrontation. Then he looks up and Makoto swears the universe is playing one colossal sized joke on him, because there standing in front of him was Rin.

The wind is knocked out of him as he lets out a gasp. Shock numbs his senses as those intense crimson eyes sweep over to Haru. The last four years of his life hit him with such a force he feels as if he is suffering from whiplash, all the pain, sadness, longing, desperation, hope, and _love_ , god so much love. Overwhelming happiness, confusion, and nervousness roars to life in his heart and Makoto looks over Rin, and then promptly flushes red.

Rin had grown up a lot in the last four years. His hair was longer and he obviously grown taller over the years, it was also obvious that he filled out. His charming expression was replaced by a handsome face that was twisted into a stoic look and his eyes. The flames his red eyes sported were so much more intense than Makoto had remembered them, tempered by the experience of four years of schooling in Australia. He felt like he was going to burn up in their gaze.

Nagisa clasped Rin’s hands together declaring how excited he was to see him again. Makoto felt his heart drop when Rin didn’t even spare him a glance, only glaring at Haru. “I see you’re still hanging out with these guys eh Haru? Heh. You never change do you?”

Makoto knew what heartbreak felt like, he knew the heartache that brought you to your knees with grief. The anguish it brought caused him many sleepless nights and tears over the years, but nothing could prepare him for how _piercing_ Rin’s disinterest was.

He didn’t even look in Makoto’s direction, he didn’t care about him anymore. It felt like the last four years he spent came crashing down around him, his worst fear was coming true before his eyes. Matsuoka Rin didn’t love him.

‘These guys’ that was what he was reduced to. Some _footnote_ not even worth mentioning in Rin’s story. Confusion flitted across Nagisa’s face, but Haru was unfazed. He threw remarks right back at Rin’s face and suddenly the four of them found themselves in the pool room. Rin and Haru were taking their clothes off and Makoto notices that there isn’t any water in the pool.

“W-wait you two can’t race here!” They ignore him and start running towards the pool. They’re ready to dive in when Makoto flashes the light into the empty pool.

It all happens to fast he can barely process what happened. Rin turns to leave, but before he does he drops the trophy the four of them won on the floor. He doesn’t look back.

And Makoto’s fractured heart finally gives out and crumbles into jagged pieces.

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Of course he sees Rin again in Samezuka, that was the whole purpose of going. Once again he ignores Nagisa and him an only focuses on racing Haru. Haru tells Makoto to call the race and he complies. Surprisingly Haru loses and Rin wins.

Later on Kou tells them that Rin has come back every year and never told any of them. Makoto notices how Haru flinches at the mention of Rin’s winter visits and he feels concerned as to why Haru reacts that way. A sinking feeling in his stomach forces Makoto to excuse himself from the room.

A wave of nausea hits him and he doubles over in the bathroom and dry heaves, one hand over his stomach and the other clasped over his mouth. He can’t stop the whirlpool of thoughts swirling around in his head.

Rin came back every year, Rin didn’t forget, Rin ignored him, Rin doesn’t care about you anymore. Every. Single. Day. Makoto waited for him and Rin never attempted to contact him despite being in Iwatobi. _You knew it all along. He never liked you, he realized just how worthless you are. He could never love someone as clingy and desperate as you. You’re pathetic. You promised him you would look after your friends and look what happened, you lost Nagisa and can’t even talk to Haru. Burden, burden,_ **_burden._ **

Tears blurred his vision and he forced them back, his friends can’t see him cry right now. The little orca dangling from his ear feels heavy. _“I promise…”_ He heard Rin say, and he lets out a humorless chuckle.

How naive he used to be...

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Makoto is back at the old SC and meets Coach Sasabe once again. He’s thrilled to see him again and former coach is just as ecstatic as well. They chat about how Haru and Nagisa, but then he asks a question. “What about Rin? You’re still friends with him right?”

Makoto freezes, was he still friends with Rin? He’s not sure if they were anymore after their whole-promise-and-Rin-leaving-and -ignoring-him-for-years thing. Nagisa seems pretty determined to swim with Rin again and Haru...well, Haru seemed like he had something important to do.

Rin’s changed a lot in the 4 years he’s been gone, but he seems...troubled. Nagisa, Haru, and Gou all seemed to think the old Rin was still in there. “Yes.” the word tumbles out of his mouth without much thought and Makoto blinks in shock.

“That’s good he seemed pretty glum back when he and Haru came for a visit.” Wait, what? Makoto’s brows furrowed in confusion “What?” Coach Sasabe looked at him in shock, “You mean he didn’t tell you?”

Makoto wanted to scream in confusion. _Tell me what?!_ Concern bloomed in his chest, what happened between the two of them? “Haru and Rin showed up one day, said they wanted to race. Rin lost and got pretty upset. It makes sense, he went abroad to get better only for Haru to beat him again, just like before. Haru looked pretty guilty about winning too.”

Makoto’s eyes widened in shock as something clicked in the back of his head. _I HURT HIM!_ A voice echoed in his mind. A memory from years ago that still haunted Makoto to this day. It all made sense now.

“That’s why Haru quit swimming, because he hurt Rin.” He whispered in shock. A part of his brain sneered in disgust _How selfish did Rin need to be? Declaring he was going to quit swimming after losing in a race. Haru quit swimming because of Rin, he hurt your friends and you._

 _No_ . Another voice echoed _. The Rin we had known wouldn’t have ever done that to you with malicious intent, something happened in Australia_ the voice tried to rationalize. _But do we know this Rin?_ The other shot back bitterly. It was quiet after that.

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Their first tournament ended with them qualifying for the medley relay. Makoto smiled and hummed to himself as he changed back into his t-shirt and jacket. The team would all be going out for dinner to celebrate.

As he grabbed his bag and walked out of the locker room he felt himself hit something solid and he stumbled a little with a small ‘oof.’ He looked up and froze, there was Rin. The butterfly swimmer stared stoically at him.

“O-oh, R-R-Rin hello. S-sorry about that.” Makoto stuttered, tightening his grip on his swim bag. Rin’s stare was intense and Makoto’s heart raced. He didn’t know what to do, he was suddenly alone with Rin for the first time in four years. After their last conversation the previous day, Makoto was at a lost on how to interact with him.

_You idiot say something! Don't make this awkward it’s just Rin. The guy who you fell in love with and then broke your heart leaving and not contacting you for four years... oh dear._

“I-I’m really glad you’re back.” He blurted out and immediately turned red-faced because did he seriously just say that? What WAS his head-to-mouth filter?! Rin had obviously been avoiding him and he just up and blurted out that he’s glad they saw each other again like some desperate middle schooler(Sorry middle school Makoto, he thought to himself.)?

Rin’s stoic look warped into an unreadable expression and he opened his mouth to say something before pausing and shaking his head, then made a _tch_ sound and walked away from Makoto.

He stood alone in the hallway in Rin wake, defeated. A thousand thoughts were swirling in his head. Rin just ignored him like always, he was an idiot to think it would be any different.

The realization of how hopelessly he had been pining away for the last four years and the cold, harsh wave of reality finally crashed onto him. Makoto’s hands trembled as he brought them up to his mouth to stifle the sobs he can feel himself begin to let out. _Worthless, clingy, desperate, and cowardly, it’s no wonder Rin doesn’t want to be associated with you._ The nasty voice jeers in his head

Makoto slides down to the floor and buries his face in his knees as his body wracked with sobs. He whispers brokenly “I wouldn’t want to be around me either.”

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When Rin saw Makoto again after four years he was angry. Makoto just stood there with a stupid smile on his face next to the annoying blonde brat Nagisa and _Haru._ Of course he was still with Haru, following him like a damn lost puppy, what was so great about that water crazed dolphin anyway?!

He wondered why he even came to the the old SC, he should have just ignored Gou’s text. He quit swimming anyway, he was done. But when he saw Haru again it was like he was possessed, all he wanted to do was wipe that stoic look off his stupid, water-obsessed face.

Rin had left after that, dropping their trophy on the ground and walking out. He shook and wipe angry tears from his eyes. His chest ached and longed to go back in there and hug his-no he wouldn’t go down that path again. Friends only ruin you. An image of green eyes flashed in his mind and he stifled a sob. Love only ruins you.

Then after their tournament, he saw Makoto after the relay, the day before he had blown up in front of him, Nagisa, and his _shitty replacement._ They stared at each other for a few seconds, Rin noted that Makoto’s normally vibrant green eyes were now cloudy and dull, lacking their usual brilliance. _He looks so…hopeless._ He thinks to himself and the biting feeling of guilt settles in his stomach.

He knew he broke his promise to Makoto, he said he would write and he never did, Makoto must have been so hu-no. Why did he care? This was Makoto, Haru’s loyal best friend who followed him everywhere. He meant nothing to Rin, he could never.

Which is why he doesn’t know why he cares so much that Makoto is swimming in the ocean like an idiot. He’s scared of water for god sake, what a loser. _You still like him._ A smug ass voice chirps in the back in head. Rin scoffs and shoves his hands into his pockets. He doesn’t have time to entertain such ridiculous notions. Elementary self be damned.

If the idiot freezes in the water and drowns, it’s his own dumb fault. _You don’t mean that._ _You know he still has feelings for you too, he still has the orca you gave him._ Of course he knew that, it was the second thing he noticed when he saw Makoto, right after the stupid smile on his face. 

If Makoto truly waited for him like he said he would-stop it Rin. He shook his head, he had to focus on beating Haru and becoming the best he could be. Maybe then he’d finally forget about Tachibana Makoto.

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“What about you Mako-chan? Tell us about a romantic encounter you’ve had, since Haru-chan doesn’t have romantic bone in his body.” Makoto’s head snapped up and he looked at Nagisa “A romantic encounter?” He echoes and then gulps, the day on the bridge immediately comes to mind and Makoto’s hand curled into fist with white-knuckled grips.

 _A romantic encounter_ , he repeats in head and he suddenly feels like he’s twelve again, waiting for something that will never be, alone. The memory of warm lips fades into a frigid chill that goes crawls down his spine and he’s paralyzed and surrounded by the intoxicating scent of cherry blossoms. His heart throbbed painfully.

“Makoto!” Haru’s voice breaks through and Makoto looks up at his childhood friend who’s gazing back at him worriedly. Makoto laughs sheepishly and waves his hand in a dismissive _I’m fine_ gesture. He turns back to Nagisa and Rei who looked at him with innocent curiosity; _if they only knew_ Makoto thinks wistfully.

“A lovely girl confessed to me last year, but I had to turn her down.” Immediately Nagisa starts yelling in disbelief, “WHAT WHY?” Makoto looks him dead in the eyes and deadpans “I’m gay.”

Silence.

“Oh.”

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When they swim a relay with Rin again it was as if no time had passed. They were all still elementary schoolers who just wanted to swim with their friends. Makoto was eleven again, a child still afraid of water but wanted nothing more than to swim with his friends, a child that never knew the pains of heartbreak, a child innocent and naive believing they would all be together forever.

Turns out that relay was exactly what Rin needed. The four of them collapsed into each other’s arms laughing and crying, but Makoto stayed away from directly touching Rin. He just couldn’t bring himself to, not after Rin left and broke his promise, it still hurt too much.

He isn’t aware of the red eyes trained on him.

After that, Rin began to talk to them again and Haru finally looked as if he could enjoy swimming competitively again, if only for his friends. It was like Rin had found himself again, talking about how much the relay meant to him, challenging Haru to races for the sake of fun, laughing and spending time with his friends again. Makoto would watch quietly and give them small smiles and quiet chuckles. Then Sousuke arrives and Rin looks so happy to see him again.

His heart broke all over again and he felt numb watching Rin have fun and laughing with their friends, while he barely spared a glance at Makoto. Even after all that time, all the years he spent waiting, Rin was _right there_ but he was still so far out of reach.

After nationals were over Haru had emerged a young determined man with a dream to make it to the Olympic level with the help of Rin. It was hard to call Rin and ask him to help Haru, Makoto and Rin had barely spoken much since he came back. They only spoke stiffly when coordinating joint practices as captains and once in the hotel room while Rin had been looking for Haru.

It was too much, the hurt, tears, betrayal, anger, _heartbreak._ Makoto was being crushed under the weight of it all and he was so _tired_ of it. He was tired of faking he was fine while inside he suffering from a broken heart and crippling insecurities. He couldn’t handle much more of this. He would destroy himself completely.

* * *

“-ko! Mako-chan!” A familiar called out and Makoto looks up startled. “O-oh sorry Nagisa.” he says sheepishly and Nagisa tilts his head to the side, eyeing him curiously. “Are you okay Mako-chan?” he asked, worry written all over his features.

Makoto laughs and waves him off. “I’m alright Nagisa. I was lost in thought, what with graduation and college coming up soon.” Nagisa nods and gives him an enthusiastic smile. “Mako-chan is so smart and nice! He’ll do great in Tokyo!”

Makoto giggles and pats Nagisa’s head. “Thank you Nagisa, and I know you’ll make a great Vice Captain.” Nagisa brightened at his praise and he grinned, nodding his head determinedly.

The sound of the bus engine slowing and the door opening caught the boys’ attention and they looked up to see the rest of their swim team members standing up to file out of the bus. Nagisa cheered as they arrived to Samezuka and Rei shouted for him to slow down. Gou let out a fond sigh and shook her head good naturedly at their antics. Iwatobi and Samezuka were having an end-of-season party and with the arrival of their team the party could finally start. Rin had insisted that they host the party at Samezuka so they agreed.

As they approached the pool they saw other swimmers lined up outside the pool with paper bags with shark faces drawn on with marker on their head? The ridiculousness of them made Makoto want to laugh out loud, but he quirked a smile at it. Of course Rin would do something so silly.

The other filtered swimmers filtered in and the party began. There was food, drinks, a cherry blossom pool. Nagisa had brought in a karaoke machine and some of the boys hopped on some chairs and began belting out the lyrics to some horrible J-pop songs. At some point Momo grabs Makoto and tries to make him sing the lyrics to a bad rap song. Luckily, Sousuke sees this and rescues him swiftly, knocking Momo upside the head for good measure.

Makoto breathes a sigh of relief and gives Sousuke a grateful smile. “Thank you,” He sighs. Sousuke nods and give him a thumbs up in return. The two chat amicably and Sousuke asks about his plans for college.

Makoto brightens and enthusiastically tells him about his plans to go study in Tokyo and become a swim coach. Ever since the culture festival, the two had grown much closer. “Wow, the impressive Makoto. It suits you well, you’ll do great.” He says genuinely, but there’s a certain distance in his voice. Makoto reaches out and rests a hand on Sousuke’s good shoulder and give him a reassuring squeeze.

“You can take as much time as you need, the future is something you carve out on your own. Sometimes the long road is the one that makes a dream all the more worthwhile.” He says supportively.and Sousuke’s eyes widened in shock. The genuity and warmth in his words struck Sousuke and he somehow felt much better than he did before. He felt like crying in relief, he only had to take his time and figure things out, it was alright to take the long road. “Thank you.” He chokes out and Makoto smiles at him brightly.

Makoto turns away from him after that when someone (Nagisa) tosses a penguin floatie at him and dies into the water to relatialte. His laughter rings out in the pool and Sousuke looks up to see Rin quietly watching with a far away look on his face. Sousuke’s eyebrows rose curiously, then Rin turned away for a moment and adjusted it into his usual look.

Concern and worry bubbled in Sousuke’s chest. Rin looked so sad and pained looking at Makoto. He wondered if something happened between them.

Actually….

Come to think of it, Rin and Makoto’s interactions always seemed very...stiff. Like they were forcing themselves to appear normal. Had he ever seen them talk to each other without having some sort of reason to? Weren’t they supposed to be friends?

He wondered if Rin had always looked at Makoto that way. Why had he not noticed this before? It was rather odd...

* * *

Haru floated in the water while Nagisa and Rei splashed each other with water, Makoto had gotten out of the pool a while ago, saying that he was swimmed out for the day and left to take a shower. Now he was chatting with Ai and Momo. Haru swam over to the pool edge and Makoto turned to spot him coming out and strolled over to the edge and help him out.

“Do you always do that Tachibana-san?” Ai asks and Makoto tap his chin thoughtfully. “I suppose so.” He says with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s something Makoto and I have been doing this for as long as we’ve friends.” Haru supplies with his own small smile.

“Wow, you guys are really close, huh?” Momo asks in a boisterous tone and then all but jumps onto Ai’s back “We’re close too aren’t we Ai-senpai?!” The silver haired boy tottered and flailed “C-calm down Momo!”

Makoto and Haru exchange a look then start chuckling. “Rin-senpai! Me and Ai really make a good team right?” Momo yells and Rin, who had been talking with Uzomi looks up exasperated and yells: “Oi! Momo get off of Ai!”

Rin jogs off in an effort to pry Momo off and Uzomi laughs unhelpfully in the background. Haru huffs a laugh then glances at Makoto and stops. Makoto’s smile is now pinched around the edges and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and he has a distant look on his face. Haru follows his gaze and finds him staring at Rin.

Haru stepped back in surprise. He blinked and glanced at Makoto at Makoto again, he was still smiling but the sadness was still there along with something like...heartbreak? Why did Makoto look so heartbroken?

Haru turned again to watch Rin scolding Momo, Makoto turned his head from the scene and let out a despondent sigh. “Makoto?” The unspoken _are you ok?_ stands in the air. That seems to do the trick. Makoto stiffens and crosses his arms, suddenly taking an interest in the ground. “I-”

“Captain! What are your plans after graduation?” One of the underclassmen ask and suddenly everyone’s eyes are Rin, looking at him curiously. The person in question releases Momo from headlock and feigns a resigned smile. “Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any.”

All the swimmers were now crowding around Rin, the Iwatobi swimmers has joined Makoto and Haru where they were and Nagisa chanted “Spill! Spill! Spill”

Rin raises a hand to silence the crowd. “I think it’s time for the third years here to go around and say what their plans are. Haru, you first.” Eyes were on Haru now and Haru gives Rin a glare to which he responds with a smirk and stick his tongue out like he’s five.

“I’m going to Hidaka University to pursue my dream of swimming professionally.” He says simply and Uzomi and Momo, even Seijuuro who was back for a visit, suddenly jump and whoop “CAN I GET A NANASE?!” They scream and the crowd whoops and cheers with a shout of “NANASE!”

Normally cool and collected Haru has a splash on his cheeks by the end of the chant and Makoto laughs and wraps his arm around his shoulder in a one arm hug. So it goes, the third year swimmers go around telling everyone their plans for college. Makoto excitedly shares his plans to go to Tokyo and study to become a swim instructor for kids and he gets a cheer which turns him pinker than the cherry blossoms stuck in his hair.

Haru notices Rin staring at Makoto with a sad smile on his face, similar to the one Makoto wore before. Strange.

Finally it’s Rin’s turn and his teammates and the Iwatobi gang minus Makoto lean in with anticipation. Rin takes a deep breath for dramatic effect and exhales “You guys are really that excited to know?” He asks with a smirk and the swimmer whine loudly, having enough of his stalling.

Rin’s smirk only grows larger, but he takes pity on them and finally says: “I’m going back to Australia for college to pursue my dream.” Immediately the crowd cheers supportively and they all crowd around Rin to give him pats on the back and well wishes.

Makoto stands frozen in place, his feet rooted to the ground below. Something snaps inside of him and suddenly he can’t take it anymore. It was just like when Rin told him the first time.

It was happening again. 

Makoto’s hands shook and brought them up to his chest and gripped the fabric of his shirt with a white-knuckled grip. He takes a shaky breath, trying to calm his shaky breathing and ignore the pricke of tears in his eyes.

 _Not now_ he thinks, _not in front of him._

He steels himself, his smile is his armor to protect his broken and fragile heart. “Rin.” he breathes, and the redhead looks up towards him. He stares at Makoto. “Congratulations, Rin. I wish you luck in Australia.” He gasps out and then turns to make his retreat. “I’m heading home.”

And with that Makoto grabs his bag and heads out the door.

* * *

Makoto had known heartbreak. He lived with it the majority of his adolescence. It was a vile feeling. It made a person spend countless sleepless nights wondering what went wrong, mulling over regrets, what could have been different. You feel your heartbreaking ever still as you cry. You relive everything, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the beginning and the end.

You wish nothing more than to forget that pain, but hold it closer to you all the same because it’s your pain, no one else’s. You’re a wounded animal that holds his head up with dignity as he limps back to his den to nurse his wounds. So you remember the pain, wear it like a hidden badge of honor. You build walls around your heart to protect it. You do everything you can to prevent getting hurt like that again. You learn to live with those walls well enough to the point you forget they’re even there.

...But you forget that they’re only walls, and walls can crumble.

You have to be strong to get up and move forward without your walls then. For you see, the walls are only a bandage for you wounded heart. Every wound needs to be bandaged and given time to heal, the heart is no exception. And when the broken heart is healed enough the bandage is removed and the heart learns to beat again, scarred but functional.

Haru was his wall, his bandage. Makoto threw himself into looking after his best friend and supporting him the last 5 years. But now...things are different. Haru found his dream, reconnected with Rin, become a better person, and was going to Tokyo with him to pursue his dream. All Makoto could do now was offer his silent support like he always had.

And now here he was, vulnerable to the throws of heartbreak without his distraction. He would have to face the truth now, that Rin was leaving again, that they would never be together, that he-he wasn’t strong enough to handle the heartbreak he walked with for five years.

And in the silence of his lonely bedroom where he lays, the feeling of heartbreak he tried desperately to keep at bay consumes him.

_I’m going to Australia._

_Back to Australia._

_Makoto I like you._

_Can I kiss you?_

_I promise to write._

_We’ll figure something out._

Stop it please. Why is this happening?

Australia again…

It’s happening again.

_I really do like you Makoto._

Liar. Liar. LIAR.

_It’ll be ok._

It’s not…

He loved him. It wasn’t fair

Hurt. His heart hurt. His head pounded.

Something wet on his face.

Tears, he was crying. All he ever did anymore was cry. Cry until his head pounded, until he had no more tears to cry, until his throat was raw and hoarse from his sobs.

The world blurred around him, sharp pain bloomed from his back and head, everything was spinning.

He couldn’t do this, he wasn’t strong enough.

Make it stop.

MAKE IT STOP!

He reached up and took off the orca that he still wore on his ear.

Then with a scream, he tossed it across the room as if it burned him.

“LIAR! HOW DARE YOU GO BACK! YOU PROMISED ME IT WOULD BE OK! I LOVED YOU!” He shouted and his heart wailed. Then everything was silent once again.

* * *

Haru was worried.

Makoto had left in such a hurry after Rin said he was going back to Australia. Was he scared that the same thing would happen again if Rin went to Australia again? Those two had barely spoken since Rin had gotten back.

“Haru.” The freestyle swimmer looked up to find Sousuke holding two cans of cola. He offered one which Haru took gratefully. “Something on your mind? Why are you out here?” Sousuke asks as he takes a seat next to him.

“Makoto.” Haru says and Sousuke nods. “Yeah, me too.”

“What?” Haru says surprised. Sousuke sighs ad takes a sip of his cola. “Yeah he seemed pretty down today and didn’t you see the way he reacted to Rin’s announcement? It looked like it upset him a lot.” 

“So you noticed too.” Sousuke nods.

“Rin was acting pretty weird too, he looked pretty upset after Makoto left.” Haru nods in agreement then Sousuke says: “Do you think something happened between them?” 

“Maybe, I guess things have been pretty tense between those two. Argh I can’t believe I never noticed, I’ve known those two forever.” Haru groaned and Sousuke pats his shoulder comfortingly. “We all had a lot going on the past few years, don’t blame yourself.” Haru nods.

“I should really go check Makoto, I’m worried.” The freestyle swimmer stood and Sousuke followed. “I’ll come with you, I’m concerned too.”

“Ok.” The two headed to the Tachibana residence.

* * *

Sousuke admired Makoto, he was kind, supportive, understanding, despite his shy nature he had a way with people and a thousand watt smile that you couldn’t help but try to mirror, and he was a damn good swimmer too.

But he noticed there was this sadness behind his eyes that sometimes bubbled to the surface. It was obvious he was hiding something and it involved Rin. Sousuke couldn’t blame Makoto for being upset with Rin, he had his own issues with Rin but he had resolved them. But he was worried for his two friends. He could recall that years ago Makoto and Rin had been really close, but now they barely looked at each other.

Haru sifted through his pocket and pulled out a key and opened the door, ushering him inside. Sousuke followed Haru upstairs to where Makoto’s room was.

“Looks like Aunt and Uncle are out with the twins.” Haru says. “It's pretty quiet.” Haru looked around nervously, dread formed a pit in his stomach, the house was tense and quiet, he didn’t like it.

Haru sprinted to Makoto’s room, Sousuke hot on his heels, and threw open the door. Makoto sat on the floor curled in on himself sobbing. The sheets of his bed we half way on the floor and some pillows were on the floor as well, it looked like he had fallen.

Haru and Sousuke stood in shock at the condition of his room. It looked like a typhoon had swept through it. There were books thrown across the room, everything on his desk had been swept onto the floor, his lamp was knocked over, and the dresser was opened with clothes spilled all over the floor.

“Makoto!” Haru yelled and ran forward slid on his knees in front of his best friend, taking him into his arms. Sousuke rushed to his side as well. “H-Haru? Sousuke? W-wha-please leave. D-don’t look at me.” Makoto sobbed and tried to gently shove Haru off. “Makoto, I’m not leaving you, Makoto. What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you Mako?”

“P-please go away. I-I’ll b-be fine, I just need a minute. Leave me alone.” Makoto insist borderline hysterically, he couldn’t let them see him like this, not after he spent so long trying to be strong for his best friend.

“No, you’re not fine Makoto! Don’t you dare say that!” Haru yells and Makoto looks up at his best friend, teary eyes wide with pain and fear. “Please Haru I’m begging you, leave me alone.” He pleads and Haru tightens his grip around him and pulls him closer. “No. You were always there for me Makoto, now I’m going to be there for you because that’s what friends do.”

“I-I’m so sorry, Haru. It hurts so bad, it’s like my heart is pounded into dust. I-I can’t- it hurts and I keep remembering it and I don’t want to.” Haru reached up and runs his hand through Makoto’s hair and Sousuke reaches over and rubs Makoto’s back.

“It’s okay Makoto, let it out we got you. You don’t have to hide it anymore.” The three of them stay like that for a long time. Eventually Makoto sobs quiet into sniffles and he wipes away the tears from his eyes.

“I’m guessing you guys have questions.” He says finally and Haru and Sousuke nod, they were in for a long conversation.

* * *

“...And then you guys found me.” Makoto finishes finally, feeling vulnerable and insecure as Haru nods slowly.

“So that’s what happened during those years?” Haru asks with a level expression. Sousuke takes a sip of his Cola and matches Haru’s expression. “Yes.” Makoto says in confirmation, rubbing his arm and turning his head to the side. “After that, I never told anyone. I didn’t want anyone to burden anyone. You were all going through your own issues and it didn’t feel right to talk about it with anyone else.”

Sousuke sighs and shakes his head. “Makoto, speaking from experience, you can’t ignore your own pain, that’s how you end up crashing and burning. You can’t do everything for everyone and not do anything for yourself.” Haru rests his hand on Makoto’s shoulder “You don’t need to be strong for everyone Makoto, you just need to be you. You can be Makoto, it’s okay.”

Makoto took a shaky breath and nodded. Sousuke handed him his water and Makoto thanks him, taking a swig from the bottle. Haru rubbed his back comfortingly and Makoto buried his face in Haru’s shoulder, his body shaking in silent sobs. Haru wrapped his arms around him and swayed from side to side.

“Shhh, it’s okay Mako, you’re ok.” Haru’s heart aches for his best friend. He should have asked Makoto about the sadness he always saw behind his smile sooner. He shouldn’t have had to go through what he did alone. Now he had to be there for Makoto the way he had for Haru.

Sousuke was still processing what Makoto had told them. It was nothing short of shocking. Makoto and Rin liked each other and they kissed? Then Rin left and broke his promise to Makoto. Sure Rin explained why he never wrote, but that doesn’t excuse him ignoring Makoto now. Perhaps he didn’t know how to approach Makoto?

Sousuke knew from experience how hard Rin’s silence was on a person and to find out that he ignored someone he cared so much for...it was no wonder they were both so sad.

Makoto looks up and gives the two raven haired teens a warm smile, it feels more genuine than it has in a long time. “You two...thank you so much. I feel much better now, I feel lighter? It’s nice. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“That doesn’t matter, all that matters is that your not alone, we’re here for you.” Sousuke smiles back and patted him on the back. Haru stands and offers his hand, which Makoto gratefully takes and the blue-eyed swimmer lays him down on the bed again. Sousuke picks up the blankets and pillows, and places one underneath the brunette’s head and draping a blanket over him.

“Rest Makoto, you had a long day.” Haru says simply and Makoto smiles tiredly and lets himself drift off.

* * *

Makoto wakes up with a pounding headache and parched throat. The memory of the previous night rushes back to him and he groans. He was relieved that he got to talk about it, but he completely lost control of himself.

He sits up and rubs his eyes, he blinks and looks around the room. It was neat and tidy, Haru and Sousuke must have cleaned when he was asleep. He would have to thank the two of them later for what they did for him.

He makes his way to the bathroom and turns on the light and turns on the faucet to wash his face. The cool water fit his face and more events from yesterday became clearer. Rin was leaving again. He was moving on from Makoto and he wouldn’t even acknowledge their past, doing the exact same thing again. Was he doing this on purpose? Just how cruel could he be?

He looks up and gasps when he sees his reflection. The man staring back at him was pale and had red-rimmed eyes that were puffy from crying, his hair was disheveled, he looked unrecognizable. Was this what he had become? He looked as if he was ready to fall apart at any moment, hell he already had.

Had he really given up so much of himself up?

He pressed his hand against the reflection and stared as it stared back at him. Then, for a reason he could never explain, perhaps it was his old freind’s way of saying he was still watching over him or his brain trying to convince his heart to finally get its stuff together, he recalled an old memory from a time he had long since buried deep within the back of head.

He was sitting on the dock with his knees to his chest when the old fisherman asked him what the matter was. “Someone told me that no one likes me because I’m weak.” He says as he locks his gaze on the ocean. The fisherman was quiet for a moment. “Listen to me very carefully Makoto, you are a special boy, never be afraid to show others how you feel, it takes a very strong person to be vulnerable in front of others. You deserve more than you know little one. Don’t ever change for anyone. Your smile is your gift Makoto, don’t let anyone taint it. You can light up a room, no one should ever make you feel small.” The fisherman says sincerely and he remembers pulling the fisherman into a warm hug which he laughed and returned.

 _“Makoto is Makoto, don’t ever change.”_ He recalls Haru telling him and memories of loved ones came flooding back to him, Nagisa and Rei supportive words when he came out; Sousuke’s awkward but thankful words when they spoke together; Ran and Ren’s adoration; his parents’ unconditional love; Gou’s thankfulness and respect for the many nights the two stayed up bouncing off ideas with each other and planning practices and regimens, and of course the previous night where Haru and Sousuke stayed with him and didn’t judge him or get angry when he told them the truth.

And suddenly he feels so stupid because _so many_ people loved and cared for him. _He_ somehow earned their respect and trust, no one else. He has so many people who support him, he wasn’t alone. He knows they would never want to see him this way. He touched them in a way he never realized he had, it was kind of amazing.

Now standing in front of his mirror in his bathroom, Makoto smiles and pulls his hand back. The fisherman had a point, he deserved more than five years of silence and heartbreak. He was better than this.

What was the point of waiting for something that would never happen? What was the point of giving his heart to someone who only hurt him. He deserved better than that, as presumptuous as it sounded.

This-this act he kept up for the last five was unhealthy, and that lead to his breakdown. He couldn’t do that to himself anymore he needed to stop. He was hurt and broken and he needed to learn how to stand without his walls. He knew what he needed to do now.

Makoto grabbed his towel and heads to the shower. After he’s done scrubbing from head to toe, he purposefully strode into his room and picked up the orca earring Rin had given him that Haru fixed into an earring. A few years ago, he would have been in hysterics if he lost it but now he set it down on his desk, heart pounding as he did so. He reaches over to his dresser and takes out a pair of small studs, barely noticeable and puts them on. He grabs his black tank top and his green and orange orca jacket. He looks decent.

He wasn’t going to let himself go down that path again, he wouldn’t let himself be hurt like that ever again, he wasn’t alone and he was going to get through this. He smiled as he pulled on his shoes and head out the door over to Haru’s house.

And for the first time in 5 years, Makoto doesn’t check his mailbox.

Haru wasn’t expecting to see Makoto barge straight into his bathroom where he was soaking, but had and he gets out (with his jammers on of course) and grabs a towel. “Makoto, how are you feeling?” He asks and Makoto surges forward and wraps his arms around him. “Thank you Haru.” He whispers and Haru’s smiles and squeezes him back.

“Haru?”

“Yes Makoto?”

“I want it to get better, but it still hurts.”

“It will for a while Makoto, but you’ll get through this.”

“I will.”

"Makoto?” 

“Yes Haru?” 

“You need to talk to Rin.” 

“I do don’t I?”

“It’ll be ok.”

“I’m scared Haru.” 

“I know Mako, I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter was a pain in the ass to write. I am so sorry again for the huge delay, I'll try to update more now that summer is here. (Thank god)  
> Anyway that's all for now guys, see you in the next chapter! Bye~ <3

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so somethings I want to say before you go. Feedback is always appreciated! I'm going to get this out of the way now. I like Free, you like Free, we all like Free even if we like different things in Free. Mmmky? Aight cool. THis is place of poorly written fanfiction and memery. 
> 
> if you guys want you can check out my [writing Instagram.](https://www.instagram.com/tropical_halo/) I'll be posting status updates on my stories and previews too! 
> 
> Feel free to do whatever the heck you want now. Hope you enjoyed my attempt at writing! See you next update bye.＼(＾▽＾)


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